27th

For the past 27 years of my life, I could say in general that I've never done something good. Something right. Something worthliving. I've been through a lot: joys and sorrows, laughs and cries, frustrations and hopes. Too many wrong paths I've chosen, wrong decisions I've made, pain I've caused, commandments I've disobeyed, sins I've compromised. I always wished to reborn again to make it all right, to make it all up, and to live a life that's worthliving. I've been raised with a highly respected image and honor but I've lived it my own way and failed to maintain and stand for it along the way. I've always tried to go back to the right track where I belong, but I've been lost in the middle of nowhere with no clue how to get back again. I've been blind, deaf, lame, dumb, stubborn to the truth. I've been a hypocrite, liar, injustice, manipulative to justify the wrong. I was the real reason to all heartbreaks, disappointments, sufferings, hardships, rejections, I've been through. I've gained all of the consequences. Everything was meaningless, useless, a great mess! I've tried so hard, worked so hard, sacrificed a lot but it was never enough. I had no chance, no hope, no tomorrow. I've ruined and destroyed everything! I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't help it. Everything is out of my control and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm tired, empty, sick, and helpless. I don't know if God or the world could forgive or give a little chance or accept me all over again. I'm not sure. I don't know how to get up, to go on, or to live again. But a friend once told me, "No matter how or what it is, just back to basic that GOD IS GOOD". I always knew it from the very beginning that He is good. All the time He is good. With my own strength I can't change. With my own strength I can't help myself. With my own strength I will fall. I will struggle. It is just His arms that I can hold when nobody can hold. It is just His forgiveness that I can receive when nobody can forgive. It is just His acceptance that I can have when nobody can accept. I am poor. I am weak. I am nothing. And I am letting go. I'm letting go of all the hurt, selfishness, slavery, bondages, wickedness, resentments, lies, and unfaithfulness. I'm letting go of who I was, who I am, and who I will be. I'm letting go of all of me. And I'm praying for healing, freedom, and breakthrough. That I may deserve a chance to change, to live and to start a new beginning that my life would be worthliving, a blessing, and with a purpose. That I may live not according to what I wanted to be but what God wants me to be. That I may be lost no more. That I may say for once, I've done something right, and something worthwhile not for myself but for God's glory. His will and purpose. His plans and desires. Despite of everything, for 27 years, He has been faithful. He has been good. I'm forever grateful and thankful for every single second of my life, and for all the love, forgiveness, protection, comfort, blessings, favor, grace, and mercy He has given me. Who am I? I am not worthy of it all! But His love is amazing and indescribable!